SO YOU THINK YOU’VE FOUND THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS? HE’S TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME, FRETS OVER YOU, GETS YOU FLOWERS EVERY NOW AND THEN AND IS LOTS OF FUN TO BE WITH. THOUGH MOST WOMEN WON’T ADMIT IT BUT AS MUCH AS THEY LOVE BEING WITH THE ‘PERFECT’ GUY THEY CAN’T HELP BUT WONDERING IF HE’S EQUALLY GOOD IN BED. BEFORE TAKING THAT NEXT STEP, YOU DO WANT TO BE SURE THAT HE’S THE GUY FOR YOU. EXPERTS SAY THAT YOU DON’T NEED TO KEEP WONDERING ABOUT HOW YOUR MAN WILL PERFORM BETWEEN THE SHEETS. HIS EVERYDAY BEHAVIOUR ITSELF WILL GIVE YOU AN INDICATION OF WHAT HE’S LIKE.
THIS PROBABLY COMES AS NO SURPRISE TO ALL THE WOMEN OUT THERE, BUT MEN THINK THEY SATISFY THEIR PARTNERS MORE OFTEN THAN THEY ACTUALLY DO, ACCORDING TO A US SURVEY.
85 PER CENT OF MEN SAID THE LAST PERSON THEY SLEPT WITH HAD AN ORGASM, WHILE JUST 64 PER CENT WOMEN AGREED, REVEALED A NATIONAL SURVEY OF SEXUAL HEALTH AND BEHAVIOUR .
THE STUDY FOUND THAT MEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO ORGASM WHEN SEX INCLUDES VAGINAL INTERCOURSE, WHILST WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO ORGASM WHEN THEY ENGAGE IN A VARIETY OF SEX ACTS.
“OUR MAIN POINT IS THAT SEX IS MORE THAN JUST VAGINAL INTERCOURSE,” THE DAILY MAIL QUOTED MICHAEL REECE, DIRECTOR OF INDIANA UNIVERSITY’S CENTRE FOR SEXUAL HEALTH PROMOTION, AS SAYING.
“WHILE IT DOES APPEAR TO BE THE MOST COMMON BEHAVIOUR… MANY PEOPLE ARE BEING DIVERSE IN THEIR SEXUAL LIVES,” HE ADDED.
AROUND 7 PER CENT OF WOMEN AND 8 PER CENT OF MEN SAID THEY ARE GAY, LESBIAN OR BISEXUAL AND SOME 41 DIFFERENT ‘COMBINATIONS OF SEXUAL ACTS’ WERE IDENTIFIED.
SOME 80 PER CENT OF 14-17-YEAR-OLDS – 80PER CENT OF GIRLS AND 69 PER CENT OF BOYS – SAID THEY WORE A CONDOM DURING SEX, COMPARED WITH UNDER HALF OF ADULTS WHO ENJOYED CASUAL LIAISONS
PHONE ADDICT – IS YOUR MAN CONSTANTLY ON HIS CELL PHONE? WHILE IT’S GREAT THAT HE’S QUICK ON THE PHONE, IF HE’S SPENDING MORE TIME WITH HIS GADGETS THAN WITH YOU, IT CAN’T BE A GOOD SIGN. OCCASIONAL TEXTING AND UPDATING OF SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES IS ALL RIGHT, BUT IF YOUR MAN IS ALWAYS ON HIS PHONE, IT MEANS HE HAS LESS OF A CONNECTION TO YOU. THIS IS A SURE-FIRE SIGN THAT HE’S GOING TO BE EASILY DISTRACTED IN BED AND THE SEX WILL BE LESS SATISFYING.
GROOMING FANATIC – ALL WOMEN LOVE THEIR MAN TO BE WELL-GROOMED. SOFT HAIR, A STUBBLE THAT’S IN CONTROL AND CLEAN SHORT NAILS ALL GO A LONG WAY IN MAKING HIM ALL THAT MORE DESIRABLE. BUT IF YOUR MAN HAS TAKEN THE METROSEXUAL FAD A BIT TOO FAR AND USES MORE HAIR GEL, CREAM, BODY PRODUCTS OR COSMETICS THAN YOU DO, THEN YOU’RE DATING MR VAIN. AND HIS OBSESSION WILL EXTEND RIGHT TILL THEBEDROOM. A MAN WHO IS OVERLY CONSCIOUS ABOUT HIS LOOKS, WILL BE SELF-ABSORBED SEXUALLY. YOU CAN BET THAT HE’LL ONLY BE THINKING OF HIS WANTS RATHER THAN YOURS.
FOOD MATTERS – DINNER OR MEAL-TIME WITH YOUR LOVER SHOULD BE FUN WITH BOTH OF YOU SHARING YOUR DISHES. HOWEVER, IF YOU NOTICE YOUR MAN REFUSES TO SHARE HIS APPETISER AND THINKS YOU SHOULD’VE ORDERED YOUR OWN PLATE OF FRIES, HE MAY BE UNGIVING IN OTHER WAYS TOO. MEN WHO REFUSE TO SHARE ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE STUBBORN IN BED. YOU’D WANT TO THINK TWICE BEFORE CONTINUING DATING HIM.
DATING A MISER – YES, ALL OF US HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS WHEN IT COMES TO OUR MONEY AND HOW WE WANT TO SPEND IT. IF YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS THE TYPE WHO HARDLY EVER TIPS AT A RESTAURANT OR DOESN’T BELIEVE IN EVER PICKING UP THE TAB, DON’T EXPECT MUCH AT HOME. SOMEONE WHO IS STINGY OUTSIDE, WILL BE EQUALLY STINGY IN BED. SO DON’T EXPECT HIM TO SHOWER YOU WITH KISSES AND MORE. ALSO IF HE’S A CARELESS SPENDER, HE MAY BE SOMEONE WHO’S IRRESPONSIBLE IN THE SACK. SO WATCH OUT!
NOT FOND OF PDA – WHILE EVERYONE MAY NOT BE COMFORTABLE WITH PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION, HOLDING HANDS AND PUTTING YOUR ARM AROUND THE OTHER PERSON’S WAIST NEVER HURT ANYONE. MEN WHO GET EASILY EMBARRASSED OR STIFF WHEN THEIR GIRLFRIEND’S SHOW SOME AFFECTION, MAY HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES WHEN IT COMES TO SEX. IT COULD BE AN INDICATION THAT HE IS NOT VERY COMFORTABLE WITH HIS BODY OR YOURS AND MAY HAVE TROUBLE CONNECTING PHYSICALLY. YOU CAN BET HE WON’T BE A VERY SENSUAL LOVER
No matter how much we try to forget what we have left behind us, it is more often than not a difficult idea to let go easily of the past and take a detour from the once familiar and now closed route. This seems a little tougher when the past in question concerns sensitive human relationship of love and marriage.
We all remember the mania that surrounded the news of Hollywood actor Brad Pitt getting married to Angelina Jolie earlier this year. Events took a humorous turn when their marriage became secondary and the speculations about Brad’s ex-wife Jennifer Aniston attending the wedding assumed center stage. Will Jennifer Aniston feature on the wedding guest list or will she accept and be part of her ex-husband’s marriage were questions that their fans and the media debated upon more extensively, thus, pushing the marriage in the offing to the sidelines. And parallel to this comes to mind the episode in ‘Friends’ where Ross is in a dilemma to invite Rachel (ironically played by Jennifer Aniston!) to his wedding to Emily and as if to make things worse he utters Rachel’s name at the altar while exchanging marital vows.
There are many such examples in our ordinary lives too when we find a Ross struggling to invite his ex while gearing up for a new start with a new partner; easier said than done it sounds!
Here are the top five reasons why an ex should not be part of your wedding guest list:
Exes can never be friends: Like two actresses in Bollywood can never strike a ‘friendly’ cord however much they try to prove it on camera, exes too are a couple of miles away from being good ‘pals’. On a serious note, a deluge of emotions and fond memories of special moments lived and spent with an ex takes over the mind of the person, now getting married to someone else. This plays a discouraging force in allowing him/her to send out a wedding invitation card to the ex. It is awkward for the ex too to turn up to a wedding least anticipated, without him/her walking down the aisle. Psychologist and family therapist Dr. Gitanjali Kumar helps us understand the complex interplay of human emotions and says, “To imagine the ideal is to think that exes can stay friends and harbour no malice in seeing the other settling down with somebody else in life. That’s the ideal, often unachievable. The tendency to forgive and forget varies from person to person and cannot be forced to subscribe to the golden rule of ‘all is well’.”
Past is always sad: With the ex walking into the wedding hall (if invited) also walks in a sense of grief, rejection or betrayal (as the case may be) she/he is a strong reminder of. Recalling one of her friend-cum-client’s example, Dr. Gitanjali explains, “She was invited to her ex’s wedding but she chose not to be an attendee. Witnessing her once upon a time lover’s marriage would come to symbolise her own loss and make her look like a fool. She feared that she might breakdown or show her vulnerable side leading to her own humiliation.”
I know how to move on without you by my side: A pure case of unrequited love. This is the most volatile condition of inviting an ex to your wedding. Anger and vengeance are the overpowering emotions playing here. You want to prove to your ex you have moved on and that the latter is still rotting in a miserable state (unless of course there’s a new partner here too). When asked if she would invite her ex to the wedding, Bangalore-based media professional Surabhi said, “Why not, he should be there to see what a loser he is and that I am happily going with a partner better than him.” An invitation with the motive of satisfying spite or sadistic pleasure is not a marker of maturity as far as the would-be groom or bride is concerned. Dr. Gitanjali blames it on the “media and the daily soaps responsible for breeding a culture of revenge, aggression and intolerance among youth.
Spare me the jeers and sympathy: You were almost married to the one you loved, but fate had other plans. For Nitya Sharma, working in a PR firm, it was nothing less than a nightmare, “We were engaged and the dates of our marriage had been fixed but the family developed cold feet later and my guy too decided to call it off.” Now she hears he is getting married to a girl of his parents’ choice and she has been ‘invited’. “I definitely cannot face the same people who had once come to my engagement ceremony and reconcile myself to be one of the guests now when I could have been the bride,” adds a resentful Nitya. Self-respect and dignity seem more important than surviving friendly ties with an ex.
You cheated on me: This comes as a rebound effect to a failed and short-lived relationship in terms of one of the partners being accused of infidelity, lack of commitment or let’s say being over-possessive. You hurry toward the prospect of marriage as a healing therapy from a wounded past affair. Sociologist Reeta Brara cautions against such a proposal and says, “If the history of the previous relationship has been bitter, then there is no point calling someone to the wedding who would remind you of an acrimonious past. And if there had been commitment issues and infidelity charges then inviting an ex can be more of inviting trouble,” she adds.
You always win some, lose some; better to forget about the loss and look forward to a glorious, new future.
While men may keep asking themselves the eternally puzzling question – what do women really want, there are several things that the fairer sex unfairly assumes about men. While each man is different, here are some simple things you should know about your testosterone fuelled counterparts…
Some men like to talk about feelings albeit indirectly. Be innovative and ask him questions that might reveal how he feels for you. Ask him how he would surprise you with a romantic getaway.
There are some men who like to express their feelings of love through actions. Pay attention to the things he does around the house or just for you. Does he help without you telling him? Little things that make you smile are his way of expressing his feelings.
A recent survey said that the only reason men take longer to commit is because they want to be absolutely sure about their decision and not because they’re scared to commit.
Women often complain that men don’t listen when they talk. While this might be true in some cases, men usually prefer to listen quietly without giving the expected monosyllables like, ‘Ok’, ‘Yes’ or ‘Fine’. Don’t fret – he’s probably processing everything you’re saying and thinking about it silently.
Most men begin to get annoyed when a woman starts whining and clingy. Men enjoy spending time by themselves, too. So while spending time together doing activities that you both enjoy is fine, give him space to pursue his own hobbies as well.
Don’t try to drop subtle hints to men – they don’t get it. If you want to tell your guy something, say it directly.
Men think about sex way more than women. Accept it. But remember that thinking and fantasising is not the same as doing. And several men find sexual intimacy more satisfying when they’re in a a committed and loving relationship.
Men like it when you initiate sex. They like being pursued. Experts say that most men wished their partner initiated sex more often. Don’t feel shy about taking the lead. He enjoys and wants that.
If you thought that men are always ready for lovemaking, think again. Just like women, men, too, sometimes are not in the mood for sex. This could be for a variety of reasons – stress at work or home. Don’t take it personally.
All guys get performance anxiety at some point or the other for different reasons. Help him relax and be supportive
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