DAP go beyond ‘builders’ brew’ and give masala chai and chapati a try allow us to believe! Please?

In an era that prides itself on ripping away dreamy veils to reveal ugly truths, a sense of mystique is a rare, undervalued commodity.Life would be simpler if we accepted everything at face value but would it be just as meaningful? Small lies are not as innocuous as they may seem; they have the huge potential to undermine your credibility and relationships

“Hey come on, I didn’t really lie! Just a small holding back of facts about such an innocuous matter. I just wanted to avoid a discussion…that’s hardly a lie!”

The Taliban Insider’, is an interesting personality indeed. He is DAP’S ambassador Perhaps   should have warned him. Or even  could have alerted him of this possibility. In any case, it was not particularly smart, unless of course, it was deliberate.A quality cup of masala chai is non-negotiable all over Malaysia, and it’s safe to say that it’s becoming that way in DAP. Of course, us  PAKATANS’ long-running love affair with our beloved ‘builder’s brew’ (strong, sweet, milky tea) is well-documented; but now we’re slipping a little spice in along with the sugar.

Karpal Singh is a lawyer, he often cheat … the moment we read the article in M’kini, everybody knew what he meant and not be surprised since he don’t like Islam, now he is saying other people cheating… so much of a person with principal …PAS Youth vice-chief Dr Raja Ahmad Iskandar said today DAP national chairperson Karpal Singh had lied in denying that he  urged at a press conference in Penang on Nov 5 that PAS be deregistered.

The good qualities of the person they wish to talk about and then come down to the criticism. This ensures that there is no fear of being unfair and helps the other person see things in perspective as well.”

Punjabis have an interesting saying, which translated, says, “Before you criticise another, take a hard look at your own self.” And also remember, every time you point a finger at another, three of your own fingers remain pointed back at yourself.

DAP chairperson Karpal Singh today shot back at PAS Youth’s allegations that he had lied about comments he made at a press conference in Penang earlier this month where he allegedly urged that PAS be deregistered.

Karpal. What I read is that you asked all race based political parties and organizations to be deregistered. The public are not Lawers. The latter can issue statements with hidden meanings. You have just done one of that! Point the fingers at yourself, not Raja or PAS

Psychotherapist Stephen Cope, author of Yoga and the Quest for the True Self, says that people are aware of a sense of self-estrangement, and understand that they are not living lives according to ‘their true authentic selves, their deepest possibilities in the world. The result is a sense of near-desperation.’ Healing this, he feels, would lead us to a new sense of purpose and to a deeper, more satisfying life.

Being true to your real self, psychiatrists tell us, induces psychological well-being as it leads to a feeling of higher self-esteem and satisfaction, and hence happiness. People who are true to themselves also have better coping skills and are mentally and physically, healthier.

PAS you need the kafirs to defend you. So you better go and kiss Karpal’s hand. After all Karpal is your Mursyidul Khas though he doesn’t wear a turban like A true life injected with intense passion, is the life lesson two of the senior-most Sikhs left us Sanctified infidelity  DAP’sTaliban Karpal Singh are you qualified to criticise others?To me, criticism is nothing but a cover-up for low self-esteem. We criticise people because we wish to lower them in the eyes of others, and maybe through the same action raise our own worth. And we are self-deprecating or self-critical when we do not value ourselves and seek to occupy a high ground by making a joke of our own shortcomings. A self-deprecating person is a weak personality, who believes that he or she is inferior to others. He is convinced that something is wrong with him and rather than wait for others to point this out, jumps in with self-criticism. So he will typically say, “You would know better, I don’t have half the brains you do,” or “This is Malaysia, what do you expect?” Have you ever heard a confident, successful man make such a self-deprecating statement? Either way, whether you criticise yourself or another, you are doing so out of a feeling of low self-esteem.

What they do not realise is that bringing down others becomes with some people an attempt at proving their own smartness. People criticise so as to draw attention to the weaknesses of others, thereby proving their own superiority. Everyone wants a success story. Some get theirs by working hard; some by pulling others down and so seeming taller. However, those who are truly superior do not need to prove anything by pulling down others.

We are of course not talking of constructive criticism here. To do so would be akin to throwing away the baby with the dirty water. Constructive criticism is important and helps us grow as a part of the learning curve. Criticism, in order to be effective, must serve a purpose and be delivered in as gentle a manner as possible. How do you differentiate between constructive and negative criticism? Simple. Just ask yourself the purpose of your criticism. Is it because you are truly concerned about the one you are critical about and wish to help in the growth process? Or is it because criticising another helps you feel better about yourself? The first is absolutely justified; the latter is demeaning to you.

“Time for you and time for me,

And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.”  ― T.S. Eliot

Today, it was one of those mornings again. You know the kind when I find myself in  It’s as if I’m watching myself from outside, arched backwards in an almost perfect circle, watching the world upside down, an imaginary vicious circle that I get myself into, from giving in to bending backwards beyond all bending norms.

And yet you feel betrayed, hurt and upset… Sounds familiar?

“Are you crazy? I am NOT having an affair…we just exchanged a few flirtatious messages…how can that be wrong!” 

And yet you feel wronged, betrayed and hurt…

For it is these little lies and betrayals that make a big difference to one’s credibility and to the quality of a relationship, whether personal or professional. The bigger lies that have the potential of blowing up in the face could remain unknown and hidden forever, thus not really causing any harm. The smaller lies that you unthinkingly and carelessly blurt out, not just get caught all the time, but also lay the foundation of how dependable or trustworthy a person or relationship is!

It was Adolf Hitler who coined the expression “Big Lie”, distinguishing it from the small lies. He used the Big Lie as a propaganda technique. As he said inMein Kampf, “… in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility; because the broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods…”

This is the principle adopted today by marketing agencies and propaganda machines when they furnish us with Big Lies on a regular basis with the help of mass media. However, the big lie is not something most of us would be familiar with in our daily lives. Sure, all of us would have indulged in some falsehood or the other sometime in life, but these are the small, everyday lies that either help us through a situation, or may have become a chronic habit!

Some people tell a small lie to avoid confrontation; others do so to avoid hurting someone, or so as not to rock the boat in a relationship. Some may lie to live up to fantasies they have about themselves, such as the size of their bungalow, the make of their car or the wealth they own. Still other chronic liars may have entrapped themselves so much into small lies that their entire life may have become a Big Lie that they have to willynilly live up to now! One wonders how these people feel about themselves. For instance, we have cases of people who have wrongly claimed to be POWs of World War II and spent a lifetime claiming compensation for the same and being finally caught out! Surely what must have started off as a small lie one day for such a person, and took over his entire life slowly, must have throttled him in private? Surely somewhere his conscience would have felt some relief when he was caught and finally could stop lying? A lie is a lie; there are no big or small ones. Similarly, a betrayal is a betrayal; it doesn’t have varying degrees of acceptability!

Likewise, a theft doesn’t gain any more acceptability if the amount stolen is less. The point is that if you have been able to convince yourself to indulge in what you consider a smaller evil, the bigger one follows in good time. Lying, stealing, cheating is first an act of betrayal to you yourself, then to anyone else. You are the one who draws the lines and defines the limits for yourself and for your relationship. Certainly how true you are to yourself and to your loved one decides the quality and strength of your relationship. At a workshop conducted by Shobhaa De, when she asked a group of women to answer the question, ‘Who am I?’ to the amazement of all one woman stood up and proclaimed, “I am a thief, a cheat and a liar!” Shobhaa goes on to quote the woman, “I cheat on my husband by feigning interest in his conversation at the end of a long day, when all I want to do is put my feet up and relax. I lie to my bosses and pretend to be sick when I want to spend time with my baby daughter. And I call myself a thief for stealing time which does not belong to me to pursue my personal interests during work hours.” The woman is a rare example of transparent honesty, such as most of us would hesitate to admit even to our ownselves! But it is true, isn’t it? At some level, we are all dishonest. Now call this a small dishonesty, or a big one — it is all about how you want to make yourself feel! We all have ways of making ourselves feel good. So, yes of course, these are all small lies.