The leg glance was, after all, an Indian invention
It was almost love at first sight for you two. People who saw you too couldn’t help but comment on your chemistry.
And as if it wasn’t enough both of you hit it off like a house on fire. All was hunky-dory for the first few months. However, of late you have began to notice that there’s no spark in the relationship anymore. Sometime you just don’t care to go out of your way to accommodate him and vice versa. Does it mean the chemistry has fizzled out? The following signs signal the end of a relationship.
College-aged women have negative opinions about sexually promiscuous female peers and consider them as unsuitable for friendship, a new study has suggested.
The study by Cornell University developmental psychologists also found that the participants’ preference for less sexually active women as friends remained even when they personally reported liberal attitudes about casual sex or a high number of lifetime lovers.
Men’s views, on the other hand, were less uniform – favouring the sexually permissive potential friend, the non-permissive one or showing no preference for either when asked to rate them on 10 different friendship attributes.
Men’s perceptions were also more dependent on their own promiscuity: Promiscuous men favoured less sexually experienced men in just one measure – when they viewed other promiscuous men as a potential threat to steal their own girlfriend.
The findings suggest that though cultural and societal attitudes about casual sex have loosened in recent decades, women still face a double standard that shames “slutty” women and celebrates “studly” men, said lead author Zhana Vrangalova, a Cornell graduate student in the field of human development.
The study reported that such social isolation may place promiscuous women at greater risk for poor psychological and physical health outcomes.
Vrangalova said that for sexually permissive women, they are ostracized for being easy, whereas men with a high number of sexual partners are viewed with a sense of accomplishment
She said that prior research showed that men often view promiscuous women as unsuitable for long-term romantic relationships, leaving these women outside of many social circles.
For the study, 751 college students gave info about their past sexual experience and their views on casual sex.
They read a near-identical vignette about a male or female peer, with the only difference being the character’s number of lifetime sexual partners (two or 20).
Researchers asked them to rate the person on a range of friendship factors, including warmth, competence, morality, emotional stability and overall likability.
Across all female participants, women – regardless of their own promiscuity – viewed sexually permissive women more negatively on nine of ten friendship attributes, judging them more favorably only on their outgoingness.
Permissive men only identified two measures, mate guarding and dislike of sexuality, where they favored less sexually active men as friends, showing no preference or favoring the more promiscuous men on the eight other variables; even more sexually modest men preferred the non-permissive potential friend in only half of all variables.
The study has been published in the early online edition of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Relationships are such complex spaces. I wish it were as easy as the learning the alphabet, but perhaps we can alphabetise it to illustrate some essential ingredients to making a fabulous relationship.
A = Attitude is everything. If you want it to work, it will.
B= Bonding is crucial to a lifetime of togetherness. Find common interests, spend time sharing lives and
C= Caring for each other. When you know someone cares, you want to stay there.
D= Dancing: there is something so magical about holding someone you care about and moving to music. It could be a slow dance or peppy salsa, whatever it takes to keep touch and chemistry alive.
E= Excitement: a healthy dose of excitement in spurts certainly doesn’t hurt.
F= Flirtation: it’s absolutely essential to keep the magic alive between partners. (and I mean flirt with each other, not others).
G= Give and take: it’s awful when one is just a giver and the other a taker. It has to be a mixture of both.
H= Happy: Everyone loves to be around a happy person. Count your blessings and radiate happiness.
I= Interesting: relationships start stagnating and go into a rut, hence it’s important to keep things alive and stimulating
J= Joking around: life is so stressful. It’s so lovely to be around someone who is playful on occasion to beat the blues and monotony. Don’t look for such a person, be such a person.
K= Kamasutra! When sex gets boring, the warning bells begin to ring. Keep changing your routine.
L= Love and Laughter are as essential as sunshine and oxygen to everyone, especially relationships.
M= Masala: it’s important to keep things spicy. Be it your sex life or dressing sense.
N= News. No communication leads to rifts. Communicate, update and share.
O= Orgasm!!! Remember, it’s not just for men. A satisfied woman is a key ingredient for a happy home and life.
We’ll finish the alphabets next week but until then… it’s time to start with the ABC’s.
My wife is not interested in having sex with me on a nightly basis any more. Should I look for another woman?
l Make the sex so good that she looks forward to it every night. Try new things whilst always remembering that foreplay is your greatest ally. Gentle kisses, cuddles, stroking, caressing and a mastery of the sensual over the sexual will have her yearning for your touch. Also, on nights when she might be too exhausted or emotionally volatile, you can always masturbate. Another woman is simply not an appropriate immediate response.
P = Positivity. You have to have a positive attitude to get things done and be the kind of person people want to be around.
Q=quality. Mediocrity of thoughts, actions and attitudes only makes for mediocre relationships.
R= Respect must be commanded, not demanded, so be worthy of it.
S= Sexy. Feel it, be it, emit it. Make your partner want and desire you constantly, if not in public, then certainly in the confines of your four walls.
T= Touch. Be it hugs, holding hands, a massage or cuddles, physical connection on a constant basis, creates a loving environment.
Jiah shot into the limelight in 2007 with her debut movie ‘Nishabd’ in which she starred opposite Amitabh Bachchan.
She got a Filmfare Best Debutant nomination for the Ram Gopal Varma movie in which she plays a teenager besotted with a man old enough to be her father.
Born and raised in London, Jiah, also known as Nafisa had shifted to India to pursue a career in acting. She worked in Aamir Khan’s ‘Ghajini’ and Akshay Kumar’s ‘Housefull’.
According to the police, Jiah ended her life at about 11 pm but did not leave any suicide note. Her mother Rabiya Amin, an actress in the 1980s was seen in the Tahir Hussain movie ‘Dulha Bikta Hai’.
Here’s taking a look at Jiah’s last tweet dated 24 May:
“So sorry I have been off twitter! Took a bit of a break from twitter verse.. sometimes u need a sabbatical to recollect ur thoughts (sic).”
Mumbai: Actress Jiah Khan committed suicide at her Juhu residence on Monday night.
She was found hanging at her flat in Sagar Sangeet Building in the posh Juhu area of northwest Mumbai around midnight.
Jiah was dating Aditya Pancholi’s son Sooraj. She was said to be under depression after coming to know of Suraj’s new love interest, who supplied jewellery to the Pancholis.
Suraj and Jiah spoke over telephone a number of times yesterday, with the last call being made at 22.53 PM which lasted for two minutes. Soon thereafter, Jiah hanged herself. Post-mortem examination revealed the incident took place between 11 pm and 11.30 pm, sources said.
“Jiah was said to be very possessive about Suraj. Last night they exchanged text messages on their cell phones. Suraj also sent her a bouquet which she did not accept,” they said.
Both Suraj and Aditya were questioned by the police in connection with the case for nearly three-and-a-half hours and would be called again if necessary.
News of her death was first reported by actress Dia Mirza through a social networking site around 1.45 a.m.
Jiah’s mother and sister had gone out and she was alone at the house when the incident happened, police said.
“Jiah’s mother and sister found her hanging when they returned at around 11 PM,” police said, adding that Jiah used her own dupatta to hang herself.
Police said post-mortem of the body was conducted today and they have registered a case of accidental death. The preliminary post-mortem report of her body says that she died due to hanging herself.
According to Jiah’s mother, the actress was depressed after having been rejected at an audition in Hyderabad. She wanted to pursue a career in interior designing as she wasn’t happy with the way her film career graph was taking a plunge.
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Actress Jiah Khan was found hanging in her Juhu flat, on early Tuesday morning. The exact reasons for the suicide are yet to be known, but sources say it could be depression and stress in personal life.The police reached her house in the morning and have moved Jiah’s body to the hospital for post-mortem. The doctors are expected to issue an official statement later in the day.Jiah had made a highly publicized debut opposite Amitabh Bachchan, in Ram Gopal Varma’s 2007 release Nishabd. Following that she was also seen in Aamir Khan’s Ghajini and Akshay Kumar’s Housefull. But she could never really break into the mainstream league.
Bollywood actress Jiah Khan was found dead in her Juhu apartment on Monday night in an apparent suicide, according to the Times of India. TV reports indicate that the 25-year-old star hanged herself, though a suicide note has not yet been found.
A few years back ,the London-born NRI actress had reportedly changed her name to Nafisa Khan. There were also rumours about a secret weeding, which Jiah went on record to deny. Jiah Khan was only 25-years-old.
Jiah was reportedly in a relationsjip with actor Aditya Pancholi’s son Suraj. According to sources speaking with Times Now, Suraj is likely to be called in for questioning by the Police.
Originally known as Nafisa Khan, the American-born actress was raised in London before her bold entry into film, starring opposite the legendary Amitabh Bachchan in the controversial movie “Nishabd,” loosely based on Nabokov’s “Lolita.” She was also praised for her starring roles in “Ghajini,” alongside Aamir Khan and “Housefull,” with Akshay Kumar.
Though she described herself in her Twitter bio as an “actor…poet…singer..musician..and dreamer… life through my rose coloured glasses,”sources close to her suggest that “she had been depressed for some time due to personal issues, but was keen on returning to acting soon.”
Here is the text from actress Jiah Khan’s suicide letter allegedly addressed to Suraj Pancholi. This letter was shared to the media by Jiah’s mother through their publicists.
“I don’t know how to say this to you but I might as well now as I have nothing to lose. I’ve already lost everything. If you’re reading this I might have already left or about to leave. I am broken inside. You may not have known this but you affected me deeply to a point where I lost myself in loving you. Yet you tortured me everyday. These days I see no light I wake up not wanting to wake up. There was a time I saw my life with you, a future with you. But you shattered my dreams. I feel dead inside. I’ve never given so much of myself to someone or cared so much. You returned my love with cheating and lies. It didn’t matter how many gifts I gave you or how beautiful I looked for you. I was scared of getting pregnant but I gave myself completely the pain you have caused me everyday has destroyed every bit of me, destroyed my soul. I can’t eat or sleep or think or function. I am running away from everything. The career is not even worth it anymore.
When I first met you I was driven, ambitious and disciplined. Then I fell for you, a love I thought would bring out the best in me. I don’t know why destiny brought us together. After all the pain, the rape, the abuse, the torture I have seen previously I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t see any love or commitment from you. I just became increasingly scared that you would hurt me mentally or physically. Your life was about partying and women. Mine was you and my work. If I stay here I will crave you and miss you. So I am kissing my 10-year career and dreams goodbye. I never told you but I received a message about you. About you cheating on me. I chose to ignore it, decided to trust you. You embarrassed me. I never went out, I never went with anyone else. I am a loyal person. I never met anyone with Karthik I just wanted you to feel how you make me feel constantly. No other woman will give you as much as I did or love you as much as I did. I can write that in my blood. Things were looking up for me here, but is it worth it when you constantly feel the pain of heartbreak when the person you love wants to abuse you or threatens to hit you or cheats on you telling other girls they are beautiful or throws you out of their house when you have no where to go and you’ve come to them out of love or when they lie to your face or they make you chase after them in their car. Or disrespects their family. You never even met my sister. I bought your sister presents. You tore my soul. I have no reason to breathe anymore. All I wanted was love. I did everything for you. I was working for us. But you were never my partner. My future is destroyed my happiness snatched away from me. I always wished the best for you, was ready to invest what little money I had in your betterment. You never appreciated my love, Kicked me in the face. I have no confidence or self esteem left, whatever talent whatever ambition you took it all away. You destroyed my life. It hurt me so much that I waited for you for ten days and you didn’t bother buying me something.
The Goa trip was my birthday present but even after you cheated I still spent on you. I aborted our baby when it hurt me deeply. You destroyed my Christmas and my birthday dinner when I came back. When I tried my hardest to make your birthday special. You chose to be away from me on Valentines Day. You promised me once we made it to one year we would get engaged. All you want in life is partying, your women and your selfish motives. All I wanted was you and my happiness you took both away from me. I spent money on you selflessly you would throw in my face. When I would cry for you. I have nothing left in this world to live for after this. I wish you had loved me like I loved you. I dreamt of our future. I dreamt of our success. I leave this place with nothing but broken dreams and empty promises. All I want now is to go to sleep and never wake up again. I am nothing. I had everything. I felt so alone even while with you. You made me feel alone and vulnerable. I am so much more than this.”
From a time when we taught the world a few lessons in sex to becoming a repressed society, Indians are indeed one sexually confused lot
A bitterly weeping Kumud (Jennifer Winget) mourns the loss of her virginity in Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s evocative television romance Saraswatichandra, “Mardon ko mohh ka shraap hota hai, aur auraton ko maryada ka varr… mujhe apne aap ko rok lena chahiye thha…!” (Men are afflicted by the curse of extreme attachment, while women have the blessing of propriety. I should have held myself back!)
The male lead, a befuddled Saras (played by Gautam Gode) cannot understand her misery. “Issme paap kya hai? Kal hum jis duniya mein thhe wo sirf hum dono ki duniya thhi…Ye hamara hakk thha!” (What’s sinful in our coming together? This is just between the two of us, it is our right!) To this Kumud replies that love follows some principles, which they have ignored!
Any sexually repressed Indian will immediately understand that the ‘principle of love’ she refers to, is ‘no physical intimacy’! The moment intimacy is initiated, pyaar becomes paap, never mind the deep emotions or commitment involved. Surprisingly, for a country known at one time for leading sexual innovation worldwide and celebrating the erotic through murals, sculptures and the Kamasutra, many Indian generations have been brought up to consider the most natural expression of love — the physical — to be sinful outside marriage. Indeed, within marriage too, sex is not something to be enjoyed, but to be submitted to for the sake of procreation — a task to be performed!
But wait, the hypocrisy doesn’t end here. The paap or sin is all on the girl’s side; it is she who carries the onerous responsibility of keeping herself ‘pure like the Ganges’ (never mind the state of the river anymore!). And so Kumud in Saraswatichandra (which Sanjay Leela Bhansali has declared a “modern love story” ) accepts that it is natural for Saras to have felt tempted, and berates herself for not holding back. The man is given a free ticket, while the dubious honour of her family is inextricably linked to the girl’s intact hymen. The idea of a girl initiating or enjoying sex is still considered taboo. And so, if she indulges in sex outside the set paradigm, she is assailed by guilt the moment the deed is done. Shamefully, a woman is still looked upon as a possession that can bring shame or honour to a man. Very conveniently, he uses her as a peg to hang his shame on.
And so, all male depraved acts against women are blamed on women. In fact, why just the living things, now men have taken to even blaming lifeless mannequins in show windows for provoking them to commit crimes against women. In Mumbai, the Municipal Corporation recently declared that lingerie mannequins may promote “rape” and encourage other depraved male acts against women, and so must be removed.
From the explicit portrayals at Khajuraho to the nodding flowers and frosted camera lens depicting a kiss in Hindi films, from domestic violence to the depraved acts of men ganging up to violate innocent girls and children — we are indeed one sexually confused lot. From Gandhi’s vow of celibacy and recorded loathing for sex to its later metamorphosis into his bold, adventurous experiments, we have all shades of sexuality except the transparent.
When you keep sexuality on a tight leash and under wraps, it is bound to strain at the bit, and natural urges and curiosity find their own outlets, resulting in chaos and lawlessness, in depraved and shocking acts of misogyny and inhumanity. Nirbhaya’s case is only the very minuscule tip of the iceberg. For every Nirbhaya who gets media space, there are hundreds who die unsung, unknown.
Ancient India openly celebrated sexuality and indulged an uninhibited expression of it. Where and when did we lose that openness? Psychologist Sudhir Kakar explains in his book, The Indians, that Muslim invaders, and the repression of British colonialism and Victorian morality changed Indian sexual attitudes and made us more wary with regard to selfexpression. With so many taboos attached to it, the subject of sexuality is almost never discussed openly, leading to the repression of one of the most natural urges in human beings. India’s ‘Dirty’ Grand Old Man, Khushwant Singh, claims that “nine-tenths of the violence and unhappiness in this country derives from sexual repression.”
Nobody can deny that urban India and the upper middle class have a somewhat more relaxed attitude towards sexuality. Indeed the Millennial Generation even in India certainly is leap years ahead of the present retarded way of looking at sex. And yet the vast majority remains puritanical and repressed, ensuring sexuality retains its dark, dangerous edge rather than freeing it to reach a level of liberating self-expression; a level where you are allowed to get over it and focus on other things in life, rather than allowing sex to prey on your mind to a fanatical level.
Bollywood actress Jiah Khan was found dead in her Juhu apartment on Monday night in an apparent suicide, according to the Times of India. TV reports indicate that the 25-year-old star hanged herself, though a suicide note has not yet been found.
Originally known as Nafisa Khan, the American-born actress was raised in London before her bold entry into film, starring opposite the legendary Amitabh Bachchan in the controversial movie “Nishabd,” loosely based on Nabokov’s “Lolita.” She was also praised for her starring roles in “Ghajini,” alongside Aamir Khan and “Housefull,” with Akshay Kumar.
Though she described herself in her Twitter bio as an “actor…poet…singer..musician..and dreamer… life through my rose coloured glasses,”sources close to her suggest that “she had been depressed for some time due to personal issues, but was keen on returning to acting soon.”
related article http://clubdesexymind.blogspot.com/2013/06/sex-we-are-indians-indeed-one-sexually.html
